:( I'm sorry!!!
sexual favors sorry?
absolutely not
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
I just had teddy grams, ritz crackers, and twizzlers for dinner. Hello, end of the semester.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
Did you seriously take investment advice from our coke dealer?
He spent 6 hours at the ER after crashing a motorcycle and still came to the bar, Ofcourse I went home with him. He's my hero.
Visiting Houston was a good decision for my penis.
All I know is that I woke up with glitter all over me and blood on my shoes. It wasn't my blood.
Getting free blow from a total stranger, who asked permission to stroke my eyebrows, was the highlight of my evening out. Also, I have a new cuddle dealer.
Three months into our sexual relationship, he comes out with "Your body is efficient". WTF do I do with THAT?
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm eating cereal out of a cocktail shaker. That kind of blizzard.
She gave me a roadie as we drove home from fireworks. People were still lighting off their displays as we drove by. I love America.
Randomize
