sorry I missed your bday party.,I was vid chatting with that new guy I'm talking to all night...happy biirthday though
R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
Will you still be my friend if I read and enjoyed Twilight?
No
office poll is still running 100% that Spencer Pratt is more disturbing than David Carradine's death
she asked me if I wanted a handjob on the haunted mansion ride at Disney. was I suposed to say no?
I woke up in a house cuddled up with a beagle on a futon. have no idea who anyone is but they all call me stretch. yeaaahhh boiiiiii
First day at work... I clogged up the office toilet on purpose to assert my dominance.
I just remember thinking that if i ran really fast through the house, no one would notice i was naked.
i looked up and she was looking over the stall watching me pee and told me to unlock the door. that dedicated to sucking my dick.
Haga you didnt jbsii whee wu an therer
Party on wayne
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I woke up in a front yard I didn't recognize to a grandma tapping me with her foot. What was in that punch?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
