just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
I have so many mobile devices now, I only use my laptop for porn.
my little brother just caught me blowing my step cousin in the lobby bathroom at our family reunion
I really can't get over how proud I am of all us getting laid at the same time in the same apartment
We had to go visit his dealer in the hospital to buy some weed.
She shouted out halfway through "that costume does nothing to hide your cock". Last time we let her drink at the theatre.
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
Finally smoked with my brothers, I feel like I just won gold at the Best Older Brother Ever Olympics
Look at the picture I MADE him take with me...like why??? He's holding my foot?
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
I need to get off of her emotional roller coaster. I've been on it for a fucking year and I've been throwing up the entire time.
I just had sex a few hours ago now i'm eating frozen yogurt making sex plans for tonight while catching Pokémon. What a time to be alive.
I'm pretty sure my therapist gave me the green light to fuck him.
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