two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
"Worlds Wildest Videos" should be called "Crazy White People"
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
He puked, did more shots, and then pissed in a drawer. We thought it was bad enough and all of a sudden...boom-clothes come off and he passes out with slippers and a styrofoam hat on and a guitar hero guitar in hand pretending he was slash.
I tried to say goodbye but you were hugging a trash can and I wasn't sure if you had clothes on
Im just saying it can't be that bad if he drove himself to the er. We'll head that way when we finish playing scattergories
I think I will be cutting those pills in half...Jesus just tried to sell me a toothbrush.
I thought of you this morning when I woke up in a bed with a girl wrapped in duct tape dressed as a coors light can.
tried to chug a glass full of ice cubes. went better then expected.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You were so drunk you told some dude your life story in one short sentence... and kissed his fiancé. You're invited to the wedding.
I found a hair colour I want in a porn.
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
Legal advice please. Can you sue someone for jerking off to photos of you?
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