my mouth tastes like poor choices
Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Standing in front of the open refrigerator with a 3/4 empty bottle of wine eating Bac-o's from the jar, topless. Somebody really should've taught me better coping skills.
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
By the way, I got bored last night and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
when he put a condom on for a handjob cuz he didn't want to "blow his load in the car" i started to question my choice in guys..
Before he left he told me if his girlfriend ever finds out, she'll take us both to an alley and kill us.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
Can I just keep holy water in the night stand next to the vibrator?
Then he asked if he could pee on me and things really went downhill
Is it bad when I wake up sore & don't know if my injuries are from sex or the mechanical bull at the bar?
Hey sorry if you felt me holding your hand in the middle of the night I was actually just checking you had a pulse
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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