You know ure stoned when u start thinking about making a bacon smoothie
i dont care about people's attitudes as long as they give me head
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
im calling her cock vulture from now on
Will you push me around in a wheel chair, introduce me to people, and say nothing as I get up and walk away?
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
You looked at my sister and yelled at her saying in a couple of years she will be yours
Our relationship is representative of a cognitive bias that leads to bad decision making and misplacement of resources. So should we pick up some whiskey tomorrow?
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
