My face is bruised from laying on the concrete. NO MORE VODKA!
While I was banging her, her cell rang. She checked to see who it was, answered it, and moaned, "I'm dumping you."
Just drive me around campus, I will be able to smell their innocence.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
She has a tattoo on her inner thigh that's an x with a long dotted line. So after she passed out I signed it. Dunno what else I was supposed to do...
There's scrapes on the inside of both my thighs.. Because we wanted to get drunk and climb trees naked.
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
Can we talk about how she only slept with you because you remind her of a member of a K-pop group?
If you don't see me at the bar tomorrow night, I was most likely captured by the communists.
I just said "I love my cat" as a hobby.
You're the best thing in my life, followed closely by cannabis and trashy romance novels
MY COWORKER IS ATTRACTIVE AND I DROPPED A SONIC THE HEDGEHOG JOKE IN CONVERSATION I FUCKED UP
3 cups of coffee and some molly. The "Tay's Day Off Diet"
You "drove" the computer chair around the party for a good fifteen minutes. you would crash into things, freak out, and yell for an ambulance.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
Randomize
