I'm so drunk that I ordered a root beer at the bar. Whoops?
Just because we had intercourse doesn't mean we're friends.
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Bring the cards this coming weekend. If I'm not here I died skydiving Friday
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I can wear a rubber suit at three am and spank someone's ass until its sore and fuck them three ways from Sunday. And get up the next day and do their laundry. As long as once in awhile they rub my back without expecting anything
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Yep, that just happened. My mom just gave me a big bag of drugs for my birthday. She even put them in a fancy bag with tissue paper.
God it's like my stomach is full of drunk bees
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
I guess you know it was a good night when you find your ripped underwear in your pocket, and a nerf bullet falls out of your pant leg 😂😂
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