He bought me flowers. The card with it said: Sorry I cant get you off. I will try harder.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
Well. It was around 3 or 4 in the morning. He ran into the woods. Wearing moccasins. Holding an extension cord. He was trying to catch a deer. That about sums up the awesomeness of the night.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I dunno if you guys are having weird sex or a most accurate bird sound contest but either way stop doin it
Poking every semi-decent guy on Facebook in the hopes that one of them will want to hook up with me tonight. So far all i've accomplished is 5 new poke wars which i will most certainly continue after this weekend.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
This guy on Hoarders just said "we're all about 4 or 5 decisions away from shitting in a bucket". True dat
Some girl just ordered Chinese delivery to her therapy appointment...
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Donald Trump looks like someone photoshopped hair onto a dick pic.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
how much of this shit do i need to take before i think its a good idea to set the house on fire and scream satanic mantras?
Jenna is yelling bc of the condom wrappers and cum stains. This is the 3rd and last time you have sex in my roommates bed.
Randomize
