Boobs. All I remember is boobs.
shut up. I wear heels bigger than your dick
She came home wasted 'not wantin to talk about it' so for revenge I woke her up with a dutch oven and she puked all over me and the bed. I can't win.
Dude I told you 22 year olds shouldn't get married
I walk in to see her roommate half naked on their stripper pole. I knew I was home.
No, the sea-green pills were klonopin, the bright blue ones are adderall. you're probably going to have to adjust your plans for the day.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize
