So...we accidentally left a bag of puke in your sister's room. Heads up.
Okay so if I'm going to keep referring to my hangover in the third person it needs a name.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
she was sobbing drunk in the backseat about her dead cat and how the guy in the front seat didn't want to hook up with her
had to split buying plan b over two cards. I will no longer challenge people to get on my level
went from writing my paper to watching obamas speech to crushing beers and singing springsteen in a crowd of 100 within 20 minutes. I love this country
I'm treating myself to a " uve slept with yet another mr. Wrong" breakfast
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
You ran down the alley towards a stranger screaming "you took my beer".... Then proceeded to run into a garage, fall down, and scream about how your shirt makes you look fat.
I just bought a 1/4 oz of pot from a coworker who's old enough to be my grandfather...I'm never leaving Portland.
I'm about to eat a honey mustard chicken salad on the toilet while I try to shit. You really think I care about what "kind of guy he is?" The fuck out of here.
If you don't care, I don't. Good luck finding prince charming.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
it's like my eyeball is being humped by my eyelid
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
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