I don't make the first move. Ever. Unless were playing monopoly cause that's my shit
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
FACT: the parking lot attendant was yelling "NO SEX HERE! NO SEX" at yall.
Should I tell them about my ticket for possession or about how I'm shitting blood? Which one will gain the most sympathy?
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
That's the ultimate walk-of-shame: running away from your own apartment and hiding in a McDonald's.
Head-banging is a very stupid way to injur yourself. But this opinion is also coming from somebody who can't walk right because they cut their asshole shaving last night, so it probably has little to no merit.
Did you take the bag w/your drugs & cookie cutter?
I need to get all the one night tinders in my system before I move back in with my parents
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
I'm so horny right now but I JUST put my fuckin lasagna in the oven
i don't like interrupting booty calls. thats just rude.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
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