I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
I was about to watch some really classy porn. Title was ravenous for dick. I didnt know pornstars knew ravenous was a word.
homeboy just tried to sext with me at 8:30 in the morning while I was on a job interview...
so you did it...
obv...but still...it was inconsiderate.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
... there are chew marks on my license. I have no idea.
He kept surfacing with a delighted look on his face, guessing different types of food to try to figure out what makes my pussy taste so good.
dude I'm not 100% but I think your mom is sexting me.
you know who we are? We're the female white stoner version of Kenan and Kel.
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
Come now. I'm bloody but I'll give you the best fuck of your life.
Just puked in my hallway. Good start to a great night
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
I really couldn't care less what she looks like. That's why The Lord Our God gave us doggy-style.
I dropped her off at home and her fiancé was shitty, it was 4:30 am. I told him I was the Uber driver
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