how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
He seems like he has feelings, which is completely unacceptable; esp for a boy in college.
I cut you off after you tried to do a shot out of a neti pot, down your nose.
explains the nose bleeds.
Why do I have peacock feathers super glued to my body?
When you accidentally type "I want Prince William to fuck me in the ass" to your mom there's really no way to take that back.
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Hey that girl we tagged team last night invited me to her birthday on Facebook, remind me to be sick that day.
Yea i think drunk-me kept all my bar receipts, just to throw it in sober-me's face.
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
The bag I'm bringing home for the weekend: a change of clothes, workout shoes, and sex toys, that's it.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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