woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
How can people commit suicide when things like bagels exist
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
If I'm going to start compromising my butthole it's going to be for much better drugs than a ventolin
it's my birthday, i should be around people i want to fuck
shes making a cheerios necklace using dental floss 'just in case' she gets the munchies later
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
do you ever look at a card in your wallet and reminisce about all of the drugs youve done with it?
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
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