Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
You were so drunk you tried to sell your salsa to everyone on the restaurant.
Even if you were sober, spitters are STILL quitters, end of story.
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
A kid wearing a Batman belt buckle in my psych class just asked how people get pee fetishes. I'm too high for this.
Im sure that doesnt mean its ruined... It was your bithday you get a free "im drunk at 7 am" card
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
apparently i saved myself a memo last night titled "cake" and all it says is "i love it so much"
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
From what I heard you ordered him to lick your balls. Unless you've kept a huge secret I understand his confusion.
I feel like your personal Bdsm barbie...
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
We broke up. My life is now 7 inches less.
Dude, what the hell where you thinking last night
Welllllll basically they were like "challenge" and I was like "accepted"
Randomize
