Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
You're surprisingly coherent for someone who thinks her couch is breathing.
Our drug dealer just got busted, wear black tmrw
I'm doing it for my vagina. You should understand that
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I can't handle more than one dick at once. I become crazy. It's hard to be mellow and free spirited and polygamous at the same time.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
I'm sorry for what I said when I was orgasming
The Lion King Is on YouTube
Until 2 minutes ago I actually had a chance to pass my midterms... thanks alot
You drank whiskey for 9 hours and did not eat anything.Nothing good was going to come from that.
Randomize
