I skipped work to stalk him.
I climb out of my sunroof. I mean its kind of embarrassing but part of me feels awesome and ninja like.
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
cat food counts as protein by the way
for future reference: playing drunken strip-twister is a euphemism for a threesome. just thought you should know.
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
I did stay at work til 5 but for the last hour I was just taking naked pics on my desk for some tinder guy
By the way can you translate "sorry, she played you bruh" to Spanish? Some Hispanic guy who spoke absolutely no English callled me last night and when I tried to tell him he had the wrong number the response was "como? No no no no...." And then click. He was gone
I have to stay away from bourbon. Despite what it keeps telling me, it is NOT my friend.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
There is sex in the air. Be careful where you walk.
You fucked him, didn’t you?
He showed up at my house with tacos, rum and a negative Covid test. Of course I fucked him. I’m just a simple girl that likes tacos, not Margaret Thatcher!
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