definition of desperate: He gave me his SC drivers license so i wouldn't forget to facebook him.
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
You're a college freshman. Its your job to be pathetic. And drunk. But mostly pathetic
OMG bikini contest at the bar. You can see this one chicks scar from her c-section and I'm pretty sure she is the best of the bunch.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Apparently he took me home and I pulled up my senior pictures on fbook and made him guess what I was thinking during each different pose.
Like, she can be the shepard of the gays. Delivering him unto homosexuality.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
I just ate part of my sock, this has got to stop.
Randomize
