i need a penis for penetration, you wont do.
oh yeah... my b.
NEED BACKUP we are in the kitchen arguing about who would win in fight against lil Wayne and snoop dog
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
My nephew just came out playing with my moms vibrator.
you used to get mad at me for mentioning 'unprotected sex' and happenings in my bed
well yeah, but then i realized the wisdom of your ways.
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
Do you think I threw out my left shoulder during the keg stand or the stripper pole? It's medically relevant my chiropractor wants to know.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
He was dressed up as Jesus and had vodka in one hand while he was blessing everyone and splashing them with holy water in the bathroom.
I am the oldest one here and I STILL feel like I need an adult. help.
So unofficially, he told me he deleted tinder because of me. I think that's a pretty romantic gesture in 2018.
Randomize
