I had just got her shirt off when I realized that I was about to fuck Chewbacca from Star Wars. The way she moaned confirmed that I was.
the liability waiver did not state that i couldn't bring my bottle of wine in the bouncy castle. it did Not.
i wish my penis had a tongue
I developed a drinking game for WoW. Everytime I die, I take a shot.
Please get laid.
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
We should live in a duplex and just hook up with randoms for the rest of forever and be animal hoarders.
It was honestly the most delicious alcohol I've ever drank, plus the added risk of going blind from methanol poisoning really enhanced the experience.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
Well, for starters, she called the condom a "dick mask."
AND I JUST GOT FUCKING DAUGHTER ZONED. NO. I'M DONE. I HATE BOYS. ASEXUALITY HERE I COME.
Lmao I should put that ad on Craigslist "in need of muscular and determined team of men to carry drunken birthday whore safely home"
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
I thought you couldn't go near Germans after that restraining order
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
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