just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
I can feel myself smiling like 10 minutes after I stop smiling, and that's just like... so awesome.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Hey, remember when Hot Stuff played in the back of the ambulance? Or no, cause of your concussion...
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
note: just because the casino is called bourbon street, it doesn't mean you can puke and keep walking and no one will care. chalk me up for another 86
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
Dude, you stalking his LINKEDIN profile will NOT affect your chances with him. We aren't 40...
Do you know that you can buy Cialis in Mexico? Best. Honeymoon. Ever.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
i'm trying not to stalk him on facebook
i gave in
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
Randomize
