it's a well known fact that sluts are attracted to bright colors
american apparel?
try lime green
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
So you met him?
More like I walked in on him, drunk, naked, and doing "bathtub yoga". Please stop bringing your dates home.
Thought about you all night last night, then I fucked the shit out of my boyfriend. Win win for me.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
Great. I will show up in your office wearing only oven mitts later today.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
He danced with some other girls and you started yelling "I can't believe I wasted half my Chili's gift card on you" at him
Doing blow in the bathroom isnt the same without you
Do a rail off the baby station in my honor
She made me undress her with my teeth...explains the button in my shit this morning...
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
we should paint friendship bongs
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
