my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
this is like her 8th guy since december, is she wasn't frumpy people would call her a whore
I just got a ticket for the snow penis we made in our front yard.
It is 8 o'clock in the morning and there is already blood all over one of the stalls in the bathroom. What has your St. Patrick's day done for you?
there is a large number of people floating in the fountains the morning in inter-tubes...its only 930. did i miss something?
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
Walk of shame: Easter Edition. He is risen.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
I may be a complete scumbag but even im not willing to spend a grand and sit on a plane for 24 hours just for shrooms and a blowjob
Just got my second shot
Baller. We’re going to be knee deep in strippers and coke in 10 days
Randomize
