Also, i'm pretty sure i've had my birth control pill stuck in my throat since like...two pm. So i'll be practicing safe oral sex tonight.
My Hamptons summer hookup resume reads like a walk-in clinic waiting list.
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
Never visiting again. You guys drink like immortals
nothing like a call from your drunk grandpa at midnight on a wednesday to ask your parents if you're registered to vote...
Awee what are you going to name your new dog?
What dog?
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
I mean, don't most people have like a two week grace period where it's okay to ditch new friends?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
you pulled out seven eyelashes and made me count them multiple times whilst crying hysterically.
Randomize
