Cold hands, warm shart.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
Instead of asking if I had a condom she literally said " I'm not on the pill but I'm pro choice... your move"... I'm in love
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
You stuck your head out the window to puke and got hit with a mailbox.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
It's sad that your definition of adulthood entails banging your boss after getting hammered at happy hour, and putting the tab on the company credit card.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
Matt says that there are strip club auditions in our living room and he'd like you to audition.
I won the booty shaking contest by mooning the whole bar
banged a milf last night. she left right after cause of parent teacher conferences this morning. victory.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Randomize
