Just woke up in a hotel next to a 38 year old mom who's married... I think Spring Break has started
they said he just opened the front of his shirt and threw up alll over himself
can you put a coffee maker in the dish washer? yo know what, nvm i want to be surprised
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
Can't a girl send out a 4 pm booty call anymore
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Just pulled back my covers. Jizz. Jizz everywhere. Hipster jizz everywhere on my only set of sheets.
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I have to estimate how long it takes them to get to the bedroom so that I can sneak out of my room and get snacks. If she's anything like me, they're in bed the second he gets here and I can get snacks now
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
So I considered mediating this morning and instead I master-bated...same thing right?
i doubt you are even in possession of a crowbar.
I suggest you not find out the hard way
Dad literally changed the channel from an episode of Big Bang Theory to another episode of Big Bang Theory. That's why I hate this show.
My hairdresser won’t do keratin treatments because of the toxins, but will put ecstasy up her butt at festivals...
I got subtly pornographic with a lollipop while we were talking and he got flustered and started to blush. If he’s not interested after that I need to turn in my vagina card.
Randomize
