I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
With the way things had been going, I was never more excited for a person to cum
Okay, we really need to start training for the St Pattys parade. 48 hours of green beer won't end well if we don't prep ourselves. 2 week bender starts now
He wrote me poetry. 12 hours after getting my number
I can't figure out if I'm dying from all of the booze still in my system, or from the cement wall.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
Your text makes more sense read in reverse.
He said "just hugs" and ran away screaming.
So it may have been laced, sue me.
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
I'm torn between regretting everything and regretting nothing.
Just got home from work. I'm going to change into sweats for a while before I have to wear normal pants to the party like I promised.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
On a scale of 1 to hungover I’m definitely throwing up at the office today.
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