Everyone knows that the fastest route to a corporate advancement is to take a shot in the mouth
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
do you find it slutty that the last person I had sex with is also the person who sings my ringtone ?
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
Smoked a Vape in the library status: completed
I almost went home with him but then my hydroxycut fell out of my purse at the bar and I ran away
The alcohol tastes like we did a beer run at the nail salon
I fucked him twice and then he set me up with his teammate. This kid does wonders for me
We broke up. And I told him he better give me my fucking star wars movies tomorrow. Priorities.
Today I learned I and my bar naps were the subject of a bar meeting.
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
Giiirrrllll. Back to back snaps of dicks. Two different guys sent me their dick at the same time. This is totally what our founding fathers meant with life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
But on a side note, how the fuck do you "accidentally " get peed on
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
His name isnt in my phone as “Satan’s spawn” for no reason. #devildick
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