You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
One of us needs to be functional tomorrow and it won't be me. I'm drinking liquor out of a fishbowl.
i bought another $5 worth of vodka. with change. i look like a homeless alcoholic. i need your dino cups or else i'll be forced to make a giant jello bowl shot
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I just watched some guy take a shot of jack Daniels, chase it with a shot of ciroc & then violently rip his pants off. You have to come here.
Hi I am too sober and out of rum. Translation: I owe you some beer. Also, get better taste in beer.
Sorry it's taking so long, it's harder to take an ass pic with an iPad than you think
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
I think I broke my toilet with my head. There are ceramic pieces everywhere. and I might still be drunk.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
It’s so white trash that I almost have to have it.
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