I hate u. Im listening to lady gaga and all i can hear is boca base om om om ommmm
Dude, way to rack up $80 in pornos in the hotel room last night, and not tell me before I got blindsided at check out.
Heh. Guess I ordered some porno last night. Heh.
My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
Do you remember puking up your retainer into the toilet and putting it right back in your mouth?
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
You know its been a rough night when for a large portion of the evening you have accepted your death
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
It's gotten so bad I typed my will out on my phone in case it's over.
Pulled over to puke on the way to sign closing papers on the house...Good sign of responsibility.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
Knowing that porn stars want to fall in love is the weirdest thing I've found to be beautiful recently. I'm so lonely.
are you fucking roseanne barr in there?
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
Randomize
