Tell her she can't have a vagina
the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
he built a boat made of joints. holyyy shit
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
i feel like my tongue has its own mouth, and that mouth just bit its tongue and is clenching its teeth.
They figured our he was high when he told the manager he wanted a break to go wrap his dick in toliet paper and pretend it was a ghost.
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Don't send me heart emojis when you're jacking off.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
