I an trashes at a wedding. Hotbcousins here I come. Agh.
Barsexuality is the new black.
Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
if I could go back to kindergarten and not fuck up my life, I so would.
I think she kind of thinks she's better than us now ... please. I go to Michigan.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
I think I was judged by a squirrel this morning during the walk...
Question: anytime during the past week did I drunk dial you and give you full permission to grab my boobs? Cus I know I said it I just don't remember who I said it to...
Randomize
