Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
we were so high last night we were cutting bread with my iphone
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
You can't just leave with hair like that
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
She's too awesome to dump: she gives me great blow jobs and free Popeyes. You just don't burn a bridge like that.
Never thought I’d use my computer science degree for teledildonics, but here I am
Randomize
