I like how my family gatherings are basically an ugly sweater party just with better beer and wine...
what did you hear about me?
that you are a very nice girl and a pleasure to be around
that was hard to say and not laugh
Her vagina smelled like bad decisions
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
We're gonna take a moment of silence to pray... that his penis is as pretty and as talented as his brothers.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
My girlfriend is studying for the MCAT by watching The Magic Schoolbus. There go my dreams of being a househusband.
My life is like a drunken tornado. All over the place and never passing up fat girls
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
I think pants incapable of making pants work
So nothing to worry about, but i'm probly going to jail soon, just thought i should let you know so you didn't worry. Bye!
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
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