so i'm sitting in his room drinking tequila from the bottle and watching harry potter. he's jacking off to some porn a couple feet away from me. at one point i look over and see that he's watching me instead of the porn. please help me figure out how warped it is that i found that romantic
I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
She's never allowed to turn 21 again
You tried taking his shirt off at the bar. He was 37 and married with kids.
Her idea of a bathing suit is... well.. she might not actually even know what one is. I've only ever seen her in a pool drunk and fully clothed or attempting to get into a pool but tripping over her pants which are at her ankles. Drunk.
I bet my lungs hate me more than my liver
That's a hard toss up
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
i found you in bed eating fish fillets dipped in chocolate pudding
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
If my drunken penis pic is ever to be forgiven id like to start over with all that
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