Apparently throwing up on your own cape is still a party foul
i don't remember it, but i know we had sex because my stuffed animals were facing the wall
I was batman and I saved her. Then we had sex on a rooftop.
My first sex dream, I blew myself. Yours definitely wins.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
The empty keg landed on my head. It's a good thing we already got shitfaced or i'd be a vegetable and the humor would be completely lost.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Teeth make me feel like a dinosaur. Can you feel yours?
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
He just subscribed to one of my Spotify playlists. The next step is sex.
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
I just want to smoke this blunt and eat pizza rolls while watching The Price Is Right with you.
Btw...refried beans is a terrible thing to throw up.
I don't care how hot she was, she wouldn't stop singing "Shut Up and Dance", instant boner-killer.
Randomize
