woke up in a shopping cart using a keystone box as a blanket. how was your night?
If you liked it then you shoulda put your dick in it, oh uh uh oh
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
All i remember as you were making ramen is that you kept slurring "i like you as a color"...
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
There's something odd about buying beer for the first time while wearing my school sweater from kindergarten, but I don't mind.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
I whipped my shit out and she just stared at it with a mean face. It was like a face off in a heavyweight boxing fight.
Donating $10 to Sandy victims for every hurricane I drink tomorrow. Buying me alcohol just became a good cause.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
Randomize
