k, so I just picked a four leaf clover, then saw my dads penis. Lucky? I think not.
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
I tried doing a handstand in the middle of the bar and I ended up kicking this old guy in the face and broke his glasses. Thats how I got kicked out
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
shes the kind of girl that would cock block endangered pandas
The liquor store guy just accused me of buying alcohol of minors due to how many bottles I got. The guy should be used to this from me.
Why is your name written on my hand surrounded by hearts and a bartenders phone number?
Thanks for bailing me out last night guys. it's bullshit that everbeering people at bars is illegal. bitches have no sense of adventure anymore
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
Whiskey chased with ice cubes? Here's a big FUCK THAT to that
For future reference: When the bouncer is approaching you to remove you from his bar, you don't respond by taking off your pants.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
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