i was born a porn star she said
he just kept going up to random asian girls and yelling at them for breaking up the beatles
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
My phone saved "first signs of pregnancy" as a most visited search.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
You know it's time to cut back when your unemployed drug dealer roommate tells you that you party too hard.
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
Randomize
