I keep pulling short curlies out of my mouth. Not cool
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
if i died would you start the facebook group?
I just discovered how perfect a shot glass is for putting your chicken nugget dipping sauces into. Like I'll probably do this when I'm a mother feeding my children.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
It's shit like that that makes me wish being deaf was contagious
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He is indeed a crazy mutha fucka. But mark my words. MARK MY WORDS. My job has placed me at the same party as Tom Cruise. I. Am. Fucking. The. Crazy. Out. Of . That. Alien . Fucker.
I'm going to try and loofah my hangover away.
Update: It didn't work
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I'm determined to sit on that face.
My roommate taped his phone to the ceiling fan to simulate walking so he could hatch Pokémon. Lazy people will always find a way.
Randomize
