How can she be afraid to give you a blowjob? It's not like your penis is going to turn on her and eat her.
you were the other women for BOTH people in the relationship?
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
Fuck you. how could you leave me passed out hangin out my truck window when you knew it was starting to rain?
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Hey. Hey you. Just wanted to let you know that I'm adorable. FUCKING ADORABLE. That is all. This update brought to you by our proud sponsor bud light.
I gotta figure out which 7 tampons in the box contains the drugs
No no no no no no.... That's my emergency bottle for when I realize I've hit rock bottom
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I'm chasing my vodka with snickers.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
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