We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
The streak lives on, still havent been to Towson without throwing up
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Why are there maracas in the dishwasher?
I am literally using a balloon as a pillow on a park bench.
All I need right now is some mouthwash, dignity, and security camera footage...
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Everything was going great until my fake mustache fell off when we started making out.
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Finding an empty bathroom to shit on campus is like the quest for the fucking Holy Grail. Except with more stench and humiliation.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Randomize
