Heard it's your birthday. I can't send pictures, but go ahead and imagine my balls.
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
if he only knew that in between each sext i was puking.
apparently it was the return of drunk burrito sex.
You looked like my 4th grade science fair volcano project when you burped. Told you chugging a 40 would be awesome.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
Apparently I was the fucked up drunk guy greeting people at the hotel in the lobby last night.
you pulled down your pants to convince a girl you were god
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
Can you please stop having such an active social life? I'm tryna get fucked over here
Jesus I was next level high last night having a mental epiphany about the state of Virginia
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
Randomize
