i told him i was gay. he said that gay guys are supposed to be pretty.
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
Why the FUCK can i grow hair on my big toes but not on my chest?
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
Just remember, if we get caught, you're deaf and I don't speak English.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
She stumbled into class and Google image searched nipple piercings for the entire 75 minutes
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Good friends chat about sex - great friends ask about safe words.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
-367$ and a torn scrotum.. Panama wins
His bedroom is the preferred destination of MILFs, cougars, recent divorcees and sexually frustrated wives
His penis is my hero
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