So the bouncer told me I could leave the easy way or the hard way. I told him I was going to make him earn his 10 bucks that hour.
Apparently you chose the latter.
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Doing tuck and rolls down a stair case was not my brightest idea
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Ok, Jen and I are going out tonight and getting rowdy. I think you and Steph need to come. I understand if you can't, but not going out means you're automatically obligated to post bail. If necessary.
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
The bend and snap? 98% success rate of getting attention. When used appropriately, it has an 83% rate of return on a dinner invitation.
He called me khaleesi while I rode his dick. He wins
Im pretty sure breakfast wine is a thing, and if it isn't, I just invented it
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
