Just got yelled at by a priest...again.
i really like this girl i slept with last night
you ask her out again?
yeah but she said she is busy next weekend getting married
i have nine cents in my fucking bank account... not even a dime
this girl is having heart failure because she lost her feather...a gypsy blessed it in turkey. Not sure im high enough for this
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
You asked me to pick a color between pink and purple, and I said orange; you told me, "okay, that's a truth question". Then you asked if I had ever deep-throated a cupcake...I didn't even know what to say.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
I really thought I'd be the only alcoholic drinking alone in my car at noon in the Lowe's parking lot. Passed out dude in the car next to me begs to differ.
Just got tinder matched with my COMM TA. Game on.
I will consider it. I need to determine if ogling him is worth almost certain death via zipline.
I'm gonna try and get through this weekend sober, which is gonna be tough especially since I've already started drinking.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
I cant wait to tell our kids we met because you subscribed to my onlyfans.
Randomize
