Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
Imagine if sharks could walk on land...scary.
My room should be renamed "Land of the Misfit Condoms."
Its the little things i like about bein home like having actual toilet paper instead of subway napkins
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
If i had 4 hands right now is have booze in 3 of them and my cock in the other all because you went to denver. just sayin.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
Came so hard when I was riding him that I actually bit some of his chest hair off. He said I was the first girl ever to do THAT.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
Could we try to replay the decision making process whereby only you and I bought and drank a keg this weekend? Because there were some fundamental flaws!
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
the party picked up after I got pretty drunk...I got kicked in the fucking head by a tiny lesbian...she was 5'1" I did not think she could do it...i was very wrong
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