Your tits are I can't wait for
you turned your livingroom into a bong?
At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I decided that $2 and a kiss on the cheek was a great tip for the pizza girl. No one is REALLY sure how much I've have to drink.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Want to come over and rub aloe on my tits?
he's the second guy to suck on my nipple in front of my friends that i haven't made out with.
Just realized I probably only have one more wedding where I can say I fucked the bride.
He just kept mumbling that he was too drunk for society and then he peed in a bush
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Remember when I puked into a mesh garbage can in the middle of a meeting and told the clients it was "morning sickness"?
hahah yep
Well the are flying back here, it's been like 10 months, should I frame fake baby pics in my office?? Or too much?
Randomize
