New drinking game: drink every time the guy whose room we are in is creepy
enjoy the hospital
So it's like pop-o-matic trouble, but with penises
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
If you make 120 dollars and I walk instd of drive and don't eat or smoke this week we can pay rent
Cool. Some 22 year old kids gave me a ride home from the bar last night. In related news, I made out with a 22yr old last night. He was adorable
Can you help me get ready before work? I need a look that says I'm-happy-to-help-but-I'm-hungover-so-leave-your-attitude-at-the-door-because-I'm-not-taking-anyone's-shit-today.
Trying to take a nap and my brain decides to play "lets have flashbacks every time you blew it with a chick in college". It's a montage of stupidity and youthful inexperience. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
Successfully put eye drops in while driving with my glasses on. Stoner level: expert
Okay so how much boob would you consider inappropriate for smart casual?
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
OMG LOOK AT THAT PIECE OF MAN
I haven’t trained for this.
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