I pretty much can't stop smiling when I talk to you. Even when you talk about disease and infectious diarrhea.
Having dinner with my dad, watching the news and some AIDS prevention ad comes on. My dad then kindly informs me that he doesn't enjoy the feel of condoms.
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
Nothing like hearing "I found your pinky nail" before you even noticed it was missing.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Just in case the world ends tomorrow, I have an emergency contact group of booty calls I can send a quick "let's fuck" to before I die.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
Despite how often it occurs, I have absolutely no interest in having sex with myself
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
Randomize
