I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I just discovered cum stains from two different guys on my wall. I don't know whether to be proud or horrified.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Still want to know how you got back last night? Two Campus Security Officers carried you in around 430. Your pants were around your ankles.
I hate Sailor Jerry.
She told me she gets scared easily and that I had to protect her. Then I made a condom joke that ended up making her cry... All bad dude
yo btw licking skeptical coke off table right now
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
I hopped in a random dudes car outside the strip club at 3pm on a Sunday and said "Follow that car!"
I fell asleep while studying last night and woke up smelling like whiskey and sex... words can not describe how confused I am
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
And I woke up by myself with peanut butter.. Cool
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
I had to ask her to let go of my cock this morning so I could go home. She just kept saying "no, please, no..."
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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