fml, blew my nose and red sprinkles came out and did the splits when i sneezed
he told me i looked like an animal then proceeded to kiss me
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
I can promise you that this new years eve will rival the one from senior year when we got that exchange student deported.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
More cowboy butts than you can shake a stick at, oh joy.
I made everyone scream the national anthem with me after playing true American last night. I'm pretty much their leader now.
If I got paid for every bad decision I've made I would be one rich bitch by now
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Made out with some dude at the bar last night. Was fun until he thought bohemian rhapsody was by The Who
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
I just did my taxes to sober up, I'm THAT hungover
But I’m still curious to know... how did the homemade porno go?
Randomize
