She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
She's making tacos & sangria tonight. I'm sure that's how the pilgrims pregamed.
Call me when you get back form court. Hopefully its not later than noon. Just remember..win or lose we still booze.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Due to the events of st patties day last year I created a moral and ethical policy so that I won't get kicked out of the bar again. It mostly consists of not wearing pants so then I don't take them off at the bar.. and subsequently get kicked out.
The school security guard knows my name.... I think I'm missing some memories...
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
She was wearing American flag underwear. How could I NOT fuck her?
You're a true patriot.
He referred to our sex as "an Olympic event." My tits are bruised.
I can't tell if my need for dick is more than my want to strangle him
Dude...itll be a youre-still-a-dick-but-a-hot-one-angry-hate-evil-spite kinda fuck. This is acceptable.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Randomize
