one might say we're banned from that church
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
And whoever invented the condom should be put to death.
I'm still not completely convinced I'm not pregnant. I just dipped beef jerky in cream cheese frosting.
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
We could make it cute. Like "oh those two cute lesbians who are about five foot two who sell the cocaine down the street. You know the ones? With the Yorkies?"
Welcome to the difference between being FWBs (remember how we used to see who could get more lap dances a night?) and being in a relationship. Fun, huh?
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
If we had kids we couldn't come home, get high and watch porn together. And that's like the only reason I get up in the morning
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
When I'm drunk I really like to hold dicks. Like, affectionately.
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
that was the most beautifully crafted sentence ive ever read that involved the phrase "genitals or whatever"
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
Randomize
