Is it a little weird that I have a ridiculous urge to have sex while the theme song to the Pirates of the Carrbibbean blares in the background?
to do: lose virginity to hamster dance
Through a series of unfortunate circumstances, I think I just sprayed lime juice on my vagina.
Omg. It looks like a crack pipe exploded in your mouth.
Five girls, one freshman pledge. We're like our own Make A Wish Foundation.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
no, i swear. she uses a huge jagermeister flag as a sheet on her bed.
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
You sprayed lysol all over me. You said that my soberness was infecting your night.
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Jesus christ. I put you on speaker when you called me last night and you told me to brush my teeth with a dick.
It's no shave November. This is our time.
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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