how could I be having a bad time, I have the three most important things in life: Goat cheese, Xanax, and Saved By the Bell Re-runs.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Ya I guess he's not a bad roommate. I mean if he wasn't here I would probably be more lazy and pee in bottles and stuff.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Just walked in on him banging another girl. He told me " sorry but I'm gonna finish now that I'm caught" ...... I think this is the reason god gave me four older brothers....
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
He wants Portugal to lose so badly he threw out all the sangria. You know how depressing it is to watch someone dump 4 gallons of heaven?
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
Can you send me the picture you took of me smoking a joint with the cat make-up on?
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