I dont like him- his parents were home and he hid me in his closet like anne frank
so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
I don't care if we're married you can't just walk into the bedroom with a pizza box expecting to get laid
YOU UNCULTURED BADGER
I am so horny. It's like all the stress of finals week has relocated to my vagina.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
Randomize
