omg. I had the wrong window open and I accidentaly posted my credit card # on twitter
Whats your twitter name
He upper decked the toilet, got himself lit on fire 6 times and lit 4 other people on fire in the course of 3 days.
No she stopped screaming. Now she's eating popcorn. Off a plate. With a spoon.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
I think I won over his best friend. He was staring at my boobs all night.
Also. After puking outside of the bar last night, some guy (who saw me puking) said I looked like Jennifer Lawrence, called me J Law, got my number and is now texting me. Who knew puking and rallying would do me any good
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
My boss doesn't know what jello shots are. I've lost faith in this company.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
this weekend took five years off my life and what was left of my dignity
Just called the boss a "cunt baguette". To her face. This is why I can't drink with people from work. Know of anywhere that's hiring?
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
If Denver makes it to the Super Bowl I'll quit drinking. So I'm pretty much stocking up on booze
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
