what about "I will fuck you for a jamba juice" do you not understand?
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
She called me Spock and proceeded to ask me to 'teach her the ways of the force'. I just couldn't do it after that. No way am I fucking a girl who can't tell the difference between Star Wars and Star Trek.
birthday sex, birthday sex, birthday sex
I'm on my period, period, period
I wasted my skinny years on you. The least you can do is high five me at the bar
So he didn't pull out. And I like flipped out. And the he told me to chill and opened up a drawer full of packs of Plan B and handed me one.......
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
I'm lowering my standards just so I can get laid, but I draw the line when a guy spells cool kewl
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
I'm glad you have such faith in my ability to find the worst situations with my vagina.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
In case you're wondering what frozen hashbrowns taste like at 4 in the afternoon, shame. They taste like shame.
I'm a hopeless romantic with the sex drive of a married politician. IM DOOMED.
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize
