i just bought ciggarettes using my court citation as id. I've reached an all time low.
A woman in the waiting room at the STD clinic told me that she is going to pray to jesus for my penis.
and people in Baltimore still get a bad wrap.
So many bounce houses so little time
I'm doing blow on my fuzzy rug
Come join me
Currently playing beer pong versus the girl i lost my virginity to.....and her mom
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Halfway through she said I was exactly like she imagined. So many things have been stroked this night.
Just had my butthole waxed. If that changes your plans for Saturday..
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
It's one am and you're asking me if you should buy a plane ticket for a booty call.
This chick walked up to me in the bar and started making out with me, then grabbed my drink while I wasn't looking and walked off.
So much for no-infidelity-fridays....
so i put my jacket on last night that you wore last weekend, and reach inside the pockets and find them full of goldfish...
the snack that smiles back:)
My vagina is the only part of me that is pleased you lived through last night.
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
Randomize
