Why. Ill be the rabbit if ull be the carrot.
don't get me wrong, i like my boss a lot, but not enough to not bang his daughter
I had to use the resin knife to take the staples out of my tax return forms. Tax returns and a search warrant?
i wrote down the address for planned parenthood on the back of the receipt for the condom that broke
Sorry about your blender, your tiolet, your weed, and your dog...
I'm eager to hear this explaination.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
i slept with him so i could steal the screens out of his sink faucets for my bowl when he went to sleep. not because he's funny.
You were pretty dunk by the time you introduced the vase as your best friend.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
Last night was a "wash hands with dog shampoo" kind of night
I just trimmed my bush to manageable levels. I'm gonna take a nap and then get in there and finish the job.
Well, we all woke up in drag with no memory of why we were in drag. On the plus side, this shade of lipstick looks really good on me.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
I just found a live peacock hanging out behind the bar. I coerced it into my car and now I have a peacock bro that lives with me.
Randomize
