Um, I don't really remember much about the event... and then I woke up on the metro..
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Please sleep at your girlfriend's tonight
Why?
'Cause I wanna jack off tonight.. And you being in the room makes things awkward
once I found out that a naked stripper wasn't gonna pop out of the cake I kind of just lost interest in the party
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I didn't know your ex looked like a male Khloe Kardashian?
Girl in my public speaking class just gave a speech on weaves, God I love community college
I'm in the ER bruh, I went skinny dipping last night and a cat fish bit my dick.
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
I just kept hitting the drum to get thru the crowd to the bar. Surprisingly it worked
Whoever put the life size cut out of Snoop Dog next to me in bed understands me.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
Yes ma'am. I'm attracted to unconventional people, you know that.
True. I can't judge, half of my sexual partners I only know a false first name & a number. We all have our kinks.
Sorry I missed your birthday party. I caught a dick and rode it to O-Town
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