Two dudes got up on top of the pianos and danced shirtless. They didnt even get kicked out. I love vegas
How many bratwuest were you able to fit in your mouth at one time? It's me, Hans.
Tonight when I'm getting a bj from a stripper I'm gonna imagine it's you bobbing down there
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Well he fell three stories from the balcony and still had the strength to fuck me for 2 hours.
I fell asleep after the worst sex of my life and now I'm snowed in with him. SEND HELP. CALL FEMA. GET ME OUT OF HERE.
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
He made me put my cow print vest and my cowboy hat from my ' sheriff woody' costume and said I'll show you a woody. What I charmer huh!? I love make up sex
Do you think they'll deliver pizza to my mouth
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
He caught me mid-escape...one leg out the window, bra n thong in hand.I just looked at him and said "Bye Now" n proceeded to fall out his window....then.... tell me why he texted me 30 min later to make sure i got home ok! #igotthis
Look, if this is a cop, just lemme know that Mike is ok. Fuckin all star game
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
