went in for an STD check and they referred me to an alcohol and drug councilor. kick me when i'm down.
I am 90% sure the kid in front of me in class is picking his face spots, smelling it, and then eating it. That is a LOT of % sure for something like that.
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Last thing I remember was you straddling a guy in a wheelchair on the dance floor.
This better be legit desert and not your penis alamode
Some guy seriously just got Jimmy Johns delivered to him at the graduation ceremony. This cannot be real life.
If you value my life, if you value your own, please look for that godforsaken cookie. Please.
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Sorry I missed your call. I was in the shower washing away my sins and sweat. Please tell me you want to get drunk as shit later.
Randomize
