She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
taking a shot every time they compare curling to a real sport
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
So I'm probably the first guy in history to tap out of a blowjob.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Ummm didn't i have pubes when i went to bed last night?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
She has "Massive Shits" listed as a turn off. That's very specific and there's a story behind it I bet.
Sweet, got a date tomorrow night
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
That's a lot of judgement coming from a man wearing a dress made from a bedsheet.
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
Do you know who these girls are? They're baking a cake, making chicken enchiladas, and bringing me beer everytime I finish one.
Randomize
