im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
I wanted to tell him he wasn't actually in me, but my god, awkward?
he shattered multiple jars of jelly against his roommates doors last night. this morning the asian one wouldn't even talk to him because he thought he was gonna get beaten up
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
My dad just questioned my drinking habits... Clearly he doesn't know what kind of college education he's paying for
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
he told me i smelled like babies and pine needles and he wanted to bathe with me. new boyfriend is not a keeper
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Drunk dialed the ex last nigh; turns out I miss dialed. The stranger who answered played along and apologized for sleeping with my cousin. She sent me a txt this morning to let me know.
Kindest stranger ever. Marry that girl.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
just ran into my drill sergeant from basic 4 years ago. gonna take him home and have him fuck me at the cadence of quick time.
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Where is everybody?
It's pretty much split between the strip club and jail.
Randomize
