Mat is currently running around his basement "trying to catch oxygen in his mouth."
Just passed an anti-circumcision dude with a sign. Handing-out-bibles guy has been officially one-upped.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just want you to know if you wake up tomorrow morning and wreak of mustard, I was not involved.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
You've gotta make sure the carpets match the drapes, though.
I am not dying my bush blue.
He has silky zebra print sheets, which you would think he put on just for me, but the bed was unmade. Did I just sleep with a closet case??
I mean of all the things to be cockblocked by, Taco Bell is pretty high on the list
Sorry I didn't call this morning. Ended up with a decorated war veteran last night who besides finding the enemy, KNEW where the fuck my G spot was. He gets a medal in my book!
It's official. My little brother has had more sex in my car than I have. I'm still tied with my little sister. I hate everybody.
so we’ve decided to fuck for our own health
So random question: what's a good way to tell your brother that his Skype sex kept you awake last night? I'm not really sure how that conversation begins.
Randomize
