I woke up this AM and all of my clothes i wore last night are gone. Instead i am dressed in air jordans, boxers, cargo shorts, and an Affliction t-shirt. the part that upsets me most is that i was with a guy who wears Affliction t-shirts.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
the lady in the checkout infront of me had a case of beer, two 40 oz, and activia...really??i dont' think irregularity is her problem
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Don't judge me. It was less weird than it sounds when we were in the moment and it was his birthday
Do you relize what downtown will be like this week? Like open season. But instead of deer its hot baseball players from all over the country that we'll never have to see again. I swear the college world series is a gift from god.
You just threw your burrito at the passing teenage couple and yelled "It's never gonna last" of course your were a shit show
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
If you are breathing, I want you at your house. No non-breathing-related excuses.
I was driving around a golf cart with a keg in the back before I got caught by the cops. First slow speed chase ever
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
Eh, it could have been worse. I may or may not have been wearing a jedi cloak while getting my dick sucked.
Randomize
