He yelled GOOOOAAAALLL when he came.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
i have more money on itunes than i do in my bank account... college.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
I took 20 bucks from you because when I woke up I saw more of you than I ever wanted to see bro.
Totally acceptable.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
Seriously, fuck work.
uh yea I'm curled up in the trunk of my car
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
I like to send nudes ok? If that's my biggest flaw I think I'm ok
Well you went to the bar with your crutches last night & everyone including the DJ started chanting "put your crutches in the air"
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
