So drunk its hurt
so we were pounding it out and someone knocked on the wall and was shouting at us
that didnt stop you
nope
dude i just made a burrito by wrapping 2 packs of scooby snacks with a fruit roll up. im so high
nutella sex= disaster
I picked her up for our first date on a fucking horse. Of course I got a BJ.
I just found puke in my bra..
All he was doing was sitting in the car, staring. We asked him what was wrong and he just turned, smiled, and said "everything has its own pair of boots"
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
I never thought I would say this but I have to clean queso off my vibrator
He didn't even realize I was drunk. He probably just thought I loved Torchwood so much that I no longer knew how to use my thumbs
his butt looks cute in my panties so i decided he has to wear panties all the time from now on.
I'm drinking coffee out of a pasta sauce jar and eating fruit soaked in Smirnoff. I think I've hit rock bottom.
I may be a feminist, but I am not above using my body to distract you if it means I might beat you in a game of scrabble.
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Still fucking the ballerina?
She can put her legs behind her head.
Enough said
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