How long until YT realizes that it's a man?
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
They have beer in plastic boots. How am I supposed to resist that?
As one final fuck you to the courthouse i'm paying the rest of this ticket with sacajawea coins.
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He was humming "here comes Peter cottontail" while unbuttoning his pants. Happy Easter to me
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
I put purple lights under my bed and asked him if he wanted to fuck in a spaceship.
New guy moved in the apartment next door. He's a combat vet, 6'4", Adonis body and going to med school. My vagina is chewing thru the wall as we speak.
How are you and your magical vagina doing today?
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
how does that bad decision feel?
He brought me another shot of rum, ice and my underwear when I woke up.
What a gentleman.
I KNOW, right?!
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