My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
now i know why i became what i already was.
I woke up with a new Tiffanys necklace on. I'm such a classy drunk.
just saw a couple drunkenly stumble over to the family planning aisle of Walgreens. inspiring.
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
the last guy with this job had a bookshelf fall on him. He's in the Er. Im high and they gave me his shift. How do you think i feel?
Finals are done.. I just wanna get drunk and pretend I'm a seahorse.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
Just walked in and got handed a drink. Good service
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
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