I think I'm going to start texting all the people that don't want to talk to me
so we had a 20 minute conversation and created the fb page WWND (what would Nana do?) last night after we took our Ambien...that is my definition of an overachiever
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
I think I'm drunk. That wine was old. I found it behind the water heater next to the mouse poison.
I can't feel my brain.
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
It's official drugs can't kill me
I just woke up to three dick pics. Apparently in my blacked out state. I was asking for them as the new valentines day card.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
I'm your Election Erection Connection
I retroactively revoke all sex we've ever had.
How exactly does one go about seducing an older, possibly blind gentleman?
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
Just because my bed is easier to get to doesn't mean it's okay to fuck in.
Randomize
