A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
five shots of tequila, anal and 3 cigarettes. not my best idea on a saturday afternoon.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
Immaculate conception is definitely the most boring way to conceive a child.
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
we got hammered off table wine and i ended up biting my acrylic nail off so i could finger his butt.. ill never look at valentines day the same
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
For someone only wearing socks and a cast, I felt reallyy overdressed
Peeing off the roof of a motel lighting a cigar with matches and speaking fluent spanish with a chilen exchange student...how do iget into these situations?
Math equation of the day: 4 waffles + 1 bowl of weed = 1 terrific nap
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
So when did "Are you okay?" translate into "Don't tell me you got fucked by another rando after another rager"?
It’s Sunday Funday! Stop watching football and bring your penis over here. There will be plenty of scoring!
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