Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
you're like the ceasar milan of boners... you understand them on a different level.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
As of tonight I have officially had sex during every Disney movie.
im pretty sure thats the first step to being a pedafile
tell me why there is a bowl of oatmeal from starbucks in my purse
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
She keeps sending, "show me your elephant trunk."
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
You're the reason I lose Never Have I Ever
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
Drunk twilight is the only twilight
Randomize
