so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
It's offcial there's a Bobby Light radio station on pandora.
she has double-d's AND she knows what level Pidgeot evolves. don't tell me she's not a keeper
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
There are topless girls riding the lawn flamingos. I win.
Dude. When are you coming home? I'm laying in bed watching the Grinch and trying to pet a cat that I'm not even sure exists.
You fucked two dudes in the same night and still went home to your cats. How does that happen?
He's easy on the eyes, light on his feet, and rough in bed...what more could a girl ask for in a rebound?
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
I'm so annoyed. We're about to buy groceries for the week and at this point I'm hoping to sustain myself on pure alcohol.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
He broke his arm in a fistfight with the bouncer. it was neat.
Randomize
