Dude, no joke... I lost my wedding ring in some skank last night
she really just asked how mermaids reproduce.
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
We turned a watering can into a margarita bong.
I thought I was heading girls talk. It was the toilet. Like put my ear to it
I sent a picture of my balls to one of my best friends, so basically it was an average night.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
