More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
Yo dont text me then not text me
I can't believe you made out with me with a french fry in your mouth.
I fukin lobve the states. Girls here let me fuck them because they like my accent. I may not go back
So apparently I ran down the hall to another party and started handing out uncooked spaghetti to strangers. You'd be surprised how many drunk people will eat raw noodles.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
You blacked out and then went around stealing other peoples phones and leaving yourself voicemails
I got two from random numbers, the first was me and said "Don't forget you murdered Josh in Wii Bowling"
The second Jenn said "You are ridiculously smart for drunk dialing yourself"
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
I feel like the universe head butted me in my balls. That hungover.
.... My lady balls. Cuz I'm a lady.
currently buying a pregnancy test while braless so happy november to you too
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I JUST REALIZED THAT SINCE LEIA IS TECHNICALLY A PRINCESS AND KYLO REN IS HER SON AND STAR WARS IS OWNED BY DISNEY...KYLO REN IS LITERALLY A DISNEY PRINCE.
Oh my Gods. Why. Why did you have to tell me that. D:
SO YOU CAN SUFFER HAVING THAT KNOWLEDGE TOO.
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Randomize
